Sunday, August 12, 2007

Surprise, surprise

Two surprises today...
But I'll try to keep this post as short and sweet as I possibly can.

The first was not so much a surprise as it was a shock. Just picture yourself in the car, half reading Finance, and the other half falling asleep. All of a sudden there's this ear-piercing scream which jolts you clean out of your groggy state.

No, we weren't about to run over someone who would have left a nasty stain on the freshly polished bumper. No, it was something far worse - there was a frikin' cockroach on the roof of the car. No, it wasn't one of those small ones you could squash with a piece of tissue paper, it was one of those HUGE ASS ones you wouldn't be able to squash even if you had a frikin' bed sheet.

Well, to cut a long story short, I managed to triumph over (i.e. squish) the foul beast, sacrificing two pages of The Sunday Times. Yay me!

The second surprise was... well... phenomenal...

I believe the only two words that could describe the feeling of surprise I was experiencing were exactly what i uttered upon seeing the likes of Henry, Rene, Gid, Zhang, Boey and Takuto pop out from the arcade to wish me happy birthday.

"H*** S***"

Here's to Mum, Dad, Rachel, Josh and all of you guys for making my 16th birthday extra-sweet with the cherry on top.

Incidentally, it's Nick's birthday too!
So,

Happy Birthday to you! (x2)
Happy Birthday dear fishball!
Happy Birthday to you!

Posted by Table at 10:10 PM

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

Just Wondering...

It's quite a wonder how one's writing style can change so drastically over 9 months - yesssss it's been 9 months since I last blogged. Not that I'm about to admit that my posts from now on will be a tad boring, but I have absolutely no idea how I managed to pull off that bombastic vocabulary, the witty insults, and the big big big word count back then.

It's quite a wonder how my knees keep popping whenever I straighten them, I sure hope it's just a passing phase or there goesmy dream to become a super spy. There's no way I could sneak up on someone with the joints i have now, not even if it was at night and i was dressed as dark as Rene. Not even if i had a silencer.

It's quite a wonder how I've been sitting at the computer since 10 am in the morning, doing absolutely nothing... k fine, I was playing dota... hate that game... keep losing to the AI... ****ing AI...

It's quite a wonder how I've already paused the game countless times to take my temperature or go to the toilet trying to shit. I think it's a guilt thing. I mean, how can I tell my teacher that I had a fever when my forehead feels perfectly normal, or say that I had diarrhoea when I can't shit? Ahhh... I got it now... constipation.

It's quite a wonder how I'm actually blogging again after 9 months... crap... perhaps I should have waited another 3 and made it a year.

It's quite a wonder how I have had to correct my "I"s to make them CAPS. I mean, how could blogger not have a spellcheck?! OH MY! It's like writing on ****ing NOTEPAD! Gosh!

I could choose to write on MS Word. They have spellcheck. Only thing in that when you copy and paste, the aprostophe's become funny symbols and then I have to go and change that. Sigh, guess I can't be bothered.

It's quite a wonder how a person like me could get so lazy... Maybe its the constipation.

Posted by Table at 12:53 PM

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Woo Hoo!!!

I guess that if we all delve slightly deeper within our inner blood and fat filled beings, we find the earnest desire to experience something exhilarating. Whether it be in the thrill of the experience itself or the boasting rights that come along with the completion of the act, NORMAL people like us need something exciting to spur us on to face tomorrows dreary existence.

Standing by the road nonchalantly, I looked on, ole' poker-faced me, as the likes of Chun Wui, David Chan David, Gideon, Gideon, Gideon, Gideon and Gideon proceeded to run across the road next to Singapore Cricket Club, only to stop halfway and sit down. Rather amused I declined to comment out loud at that point in time, while in my mind the words "WHAT A BUNCH OF RETARDED LOSERS!" echoed endless, much like the voice i keep hearing in my head - that's Bob.

All of a sudden, they all got up and started running back to the side of wisdom and sanity (the sidewalk). A car was approaching and they had hardly enough time to get comfortable, when the unmistakable headlights of the car hit them left, right and wrong. Thankfully nobody got even the slightest bruise.

I walked to the MRT with Chun Wui, asking him what evil force compelled him to commit the vile crime of jaysitting. It wasn't a big deal, after all the road wasn't very busy, (it was next to a cricket club and even at 11 PM, we still are by no means Pakistan). BUT STILL, what a stupid thing to do. The reply i got from him was a surprising, "You mean you haven't done it before?", thereafter digressing into the rich history that constituted to what sitting on the road is today - much of it involving how the great Chun Wui himself had pioneered the first road sitting at Dover.

Unconvinced, we walked and talked, as most NORMAL people do at 11 PM on the way to City Hall MRT. And behold, there before our very eyes, lay the freeway... the only sea of traffic(then only a trickle) that seperated us from our destined destination. I looked right, then I looked left, then I looked right again, then i looked at Chun Wui. His face was set with grim determination...

HAHAHA I make a joke! Chun Wui's face is incapable of being set with grim determination, neither is David Chan David's, who happened to be beside us as well. Anyway...

He looked back at me smiling the smile that makes him Chun Wui, "Aiyah screw it, when are we ever gonna get the chance to do it again?" So we ran across the road, fast as greased lighting, only a bit slower, then we stopped, AND SAT DOWN! ON THE FREEWAY! OUTSIDE THE ESPLANADE! There weren't many cars, but that's not the point, I sat on the freeway and now i shall proclaim it to the world!

Ladies, gentleshemen and machomen, I stand before you today, a living testimony of one who has brave the prospect of oncoming traffic, in order to bring to you this week's episode of Isaac's Weekly Exhilarating Experience of the Week. At number 1 we have *drum roll please* - sitting on the floor.

Me - over and out.

Posted by Table at 3:04 PM

Monday, October 30, 2006

I'm BACK!!!

Hello earthlings and I really do have to express my utmost sincere apology for not blogging for such a long time... a rebel group of marauding chipmunks have only just recently returned my stolen keyboard. Crap aside, as most of the people who read this blog know, I only blog when something rather amusing occurs. Once again, I have have chanced upon the opportunity of witnessing something "rather amusing".

A banker popped up outside my house just over an hour ago, to meet up with my parents to discuss the terms of agreement for a new house we had just bought. I noticed something different about the fellow, perhaps the nose, of the glasses, or maybe the whole body. Apparently it wasn't only me who thought so... my parents noticed the difference too... The entire conversation that follows isn't fabricated but 100% true...

Dad : "HEY Alex! You look slightly different... what happened to your hair?"
Mum : "Yeah, something changed. Did you cut your hair or something?"
Alex : "Um... no, not really"
Dad : "Did you dye your hair white or something? You're greyer than me now! Must be all the stress..."
Alex : "No, this is inherited"

At such opportune moments, my mum is famous for her one liners that come out as one thing but mean another thing entirely. True enough, just when we thought that the conversation could not further destroy the poor banker's ego...

Mum : "Aiyah, don't worry. Then you can go and dye lah!"

This was followed by an immensely awkward pause...

Alex : "Um... that would be the last thing i would want to do..."
Dad : "HAHAHAHAHA!!! Zack, did you hear that? She asked him to go and dye! HAHAHA!"

Posted by Table at 12:43 PM

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Bank

I have no idea how my brother chanced upon the words "bank robbery" but he did, as do most small cute creatures usually get their way. As you probably have derived from my previous blog posts, my brother is somewhat an interesting character, rather interesting indeed.

Well anyway, emulating a teacher, my brother was attempting to teach me and a few other imaginary ladies and gentlemen, how to spell "bank robbery". Stepping up to the whiteboard, on the verge of exploding with authority, he began to write down the individual letters, all the while carrying a smug grin on his face.

"Bank RoBbeRy!" he announced in his high pitched voice, sounding very much alike to that of a chipmunk. The toggle case, which most people use to write irritating msn nicknames is used here not to piss you (the reader) off but rather, that is exactly the way that my brother spelt it - "B - R - B - R". Laughing so hard at his own joke, he looked as if his face was about to split into two.

I on the other hand, was not amused.

"Josh! Do you even know how to spell bank robbery?"

" Of course!"

"Okay fine, spell it for me to see..."

"Ladies and gentlemen, 'bank robbery' first starts with a 'bank', so..."

And then he proceeded to spell "H - S - B - C"

Posted by Table at 11:01 PM

Saturday, September 02, 2006

The Gate

There are some combinations that just don't go together. One is me and dancing, two is Zhang and common sense, and the third most opposing thing is being in a rush and metal gates. I'm not quite sure if they are called metal gates, but it's the metal thingy that is pulled down at the entrace of a shop when it is about to close.

It was 7.40 pm when i got a call from Cao, asking me whether we were doing anything for Kenghis for teacher's day, whereupon I came up with the ever-so-brilliant idea of making a mural of our whole OM team and pasting it to a huge heart, then decorating the heart and presenting it to him the next morning.

Me and my big mouth.

So,your truly, was tasked with completing the heart. My lovely grandparents picked me up from school and by the time we got to Bukit Timah Plaze, it was 8.55 pm. The things i needed could only be found in Popular, and thus i dashed into the shop and gathered the goods, while my grandparents waited outside for me.

I was waiting at the cashier when they started to pull the metal thingy down about halfway. At that same point in time, some random guy who had just finished paying for his items, decided to walk out of Popular. The was a loud "KLONK!" followed by an even louder "OUCH! What the f***" as the guy smashed head-first into the metal thingy. I must state that I indeed tried my best not to laugh, but soon the air that was welled up inside my mouth was unbearable, and I started to snort, body jerking up and down as I convulsed in laughter. Which idiot would walk straight into something right in front of his face?

As finished paying for what I needed to get, I said a silent prayer, thanking God that I had managed to get the materials to make the card on time. I wasn't closing my eyes or anything, just in a rush to get back to the car where my grandparents were waiting. Elated, I rushed for the exit and then... SMASH, as i proceeded to run my face into the metal thingy.

Posted by Table at 1:14 AM

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Not Dead Yet

Dinner can be a funny thing too. My sister just spent a large portion of it with her mouth open - not coz she was stuffing tons of noodles and dumplings into her mouth nonstop. That was me. Hers was because of a certain actor and actress couple who were sitting at the table opposite us. What amazes me was that through all the "Oooooo"s and "Aaaaaaaah"s she still managed to breathe once in a while.

I, on the other hand, was getting pretty irritated by such a display of whale talk. I mean how would you feel if there was this creature constantly buzzing in your ear about how pretty the actress is, or how the pair were really suited for one another? No wait, don't answer that question. Its probably just me being cynical again.

I do admit that i get irritated pretty easily. I can't stand people who start to blabber incoherently and drool when something catches their eye. Can't really blame Gid though, food comes under a different spectrum altogether and besides, I think Chunky's cute.

Anyway back to the dinner experience. I glared at my sis and when that didn't work, i rolled my eyes - really roundly (if there's such a word). So roundly that I i think one kinda got stuck and turned quite a frightful colour of red according to my grandma. Despite my valiant efforts, all were in vain. Something else succeeded though.

"BREAST!"

My brother yelled. Not quite loud enough for everyone in the restaurant to turn and look but quite enough to catch my entire family's attention. He had placed two empty porcelain bowls on his chest. His faced contorted a bit, making him look like a bulldog with constipation, then he exploded in peals of high pitched laughter.